"But when they attack you, take no thought how or what you shall say: for it will be given you in that very minute what you will say. For it is not you that will speak, but the Spirit of God which speaks through you." -JESUS in Matthew 10:19-20
Amazing words.
I'll be back later to write a blog.
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The above comment tells me this person really is clueless as to what domestic voilence is like. It amazes me the ignorance some still have regarding domestic voilence. First, the abuser is not as stupid as some may think. He sure didn't leave a camera in the house after he beat the hell out of me. He made sure there was no way to take pictures. This blogger states have a close friend or relative take the pictures. Are you kidding me? Does she really think he is going to let you see anyone after he beats the hell out of you? She really doesn't get it and that is sad. She must think they beat the hell out of you and then allows you to visit people. I assure you one of the first things the abuser will do is isolate you. He will see to it you have no friends and when family does try to see you, he always has a good reason why they can't come by, or he just doesn't answer the door. He will see to it that no one sees you until the bruises are gone. You are alone. You have no where to turn because he is so controlling, he makes sure that you are never alone to tell anyone. Its easy to type words on a blog giving advice, but you have no idea what its really like until you live it. The "blogger" states you must have evidence but what she doesn't get is he will destroy any and all evidence that you could possible get. The abuser doesn't go out in public and let people watch as he beats you, in most cases. Its done in private. There are no witnesses, there are no cameras, there are no close friends or relatives, because he isolates you first. He takes controll over you and then the abuse starts and a small part of you dies with every action he makes.
ReplyDeleteSis, I have told you before and I will tell you again. You are so strong, such an amazing woman. You inspire me so much. I wish I had your strength. You have been through so much, but you are still here. Still standing up for the "REAL' victims. You are the voice for so many that are still going through the stalking and violence. You have stood by me and listened to me cry more times than I can count over this very thing. Hold your head high because you are a hero. Thank you Sis, I love you dearly and always will.
Again I apologize if this comment leads to unwanted threats or comments by a certain person, on anyone's blogs.
Sis,
ReplyDeleteI should not be on the internet but some things I just can't let go without commenting. If you or anyone else gets any unwanted comments, I am truely sorry. I do have a "REAL" stalker, that knows nothing about this case, but leaves comments only to intimidate me.With help from a supporter of Raye he has the blogs address but you already know all about that. So with that being said, I apologize in advance.
There are two things I just couldn't let go. On the "other blog" Day Three, I found this quote that almost made me sick.
"Sometimes I wonder how far my stalkers will go in their pissing contest to spread the most hate. It's like they see themselves as some sort of saviors who are ridding the world of me. Some days it's comical. Other days it's scary."
Sis, you and I have both been through this. I, personally, have NEVER found anything funny about being stalked, and I have yet to find anyone else that can find anything "COMICAL" about being stalked. Its terrifying knowing you are being followed and constantly watched. At times, I have been so scared that its almost paralyzing, you get so scared that you are afraid to move. Anyone that could make such a statement, has NO idea what a stalking victim goes through. There is no way they could know what it is really like and make such a statement.
I have tried to keep my personal life out of this but HE brought it here with his threats on certain blogs and on Topix. There is so much more to this story but I will tell what I need to, in order to make a point, without going into too much detail.
The next quite is from the "other blog" also. This caught my attention so fast. People make comments that sound great but only proves they have no idea what they are talking about. Its amazing that some think its just that simply. This quote comes from, "The truth about restraining orders in Oklahoma."
"When in a domestic violence situation, victims rarely take photographs of their injuries. They're afraid that their abuser will find them and punish them even more. I understand the fear. But evidence can help protect you and though a protective order may not stop your attacker, it will deter him. If you don't want the photos in your home, have a close friend or relative take pictures for you. "
I would love to have the statistics for women that have been killed after getting a protective/restraining order. It doesn't always deter or stop him. Do some research and you will see this is not true. One name that comes to mind is Tonya Hobbs, she got a restraining order and 5 months later she was killed. Sometimes its that one piece of paper that sends him over the edge and he kills the victim. He realizes he is losing all control and thats the one thing he can't stand to lose. When he feels he has lost that control, the victim is in more danger than ever. Things escalate so fast. I am not saying that getting an order of protection is a bad idea in all cases, but it doesn't always deter or stop him either. In a perfect world, there would be a way to keep women safe immediately after they file for that order. We all know we don't live in that world or there would be no such thing as domestic violence or child abuse. I don't have the answers, but what I do know is this "blogger" has no idea what she is typing about.
I agree sis, it is amazing that in 2010 there is still as much ignorance about DV as there is. The bad thing is the ignorance amongst law enforcement, DAs and Judges. THEIR ignorance gets women and children hurt and/or killed!
ReplyDeleteI have to say one thing to you again sis...please do not EVER apologize for the actions of that monster. You are NOT responsible for what he says or does! You have the RIGHT to post what you want, when you want, without him doing the things he does. That is HIS doing, not yours and no one will ever blame you for what he posts or says on here or anywhere else. I know where that comes from, i've been there. I used to feel responsible for the things my abuser said and did, and still once in awhile, fight that urge to feel responsible for some of those things even now. But it is not because of us and we are not responsible, it is their doing not ours. That is something I hope you will learn to let go of eventually...you are not responsible at all.
Your posts are amazing and so true. I will only touch on one thing and that is the protective orders. The statistics are very high as to the DV homicides involving PFA's. NO expert in this field would ever insist on a victim getting a PFA (Protection From Abuse)order. Too many times it makes the danger escalate to a fatal level. ONLY THE VICTIM knows if the PFA will push the abuser over the edge and ONLY THE VICTIM should ever make the call to file for one or not. Sadly, often times people such as law enforcement will blame the victim for NOT utilizing the PFA's. That is so wrong on so many levels. I stated long ago that some people seem to think and act like the PFA will stop a fist or stop a bullet and that is so not true. It is only a piece of paper in reality and although it does deter SOME violence, the abusers that are serious and committed in their violence, it will only aggitate and aggravate them and it almost seems like they see it as their "license to kill". As you stated sis, that piece of paper threatens to take their last bit of control away and they WILL NOT have that.
Also, in that "perfect world" you mentioned, taking pictures of your injuries is a good idea. In that same "perfect world" you will not suffer another beating or death when he finds them. You cannot HIDE anything from most abusers. The thing most people need to understand and take into consideration is there are different levels of violence with abusers. Not all abusers abuse on the same levels. ALL abuse is and should be considered wrong and a threat/dangerous. The thing about abusers is, you don't always know when/if they will escalate to the level of fatality. Some are fatal in their initial abuse, others escalate to that level over a long period of time. Ok, lol i'm gonna quit here, I was supposed to blog but got sidetracked lol. You brought up so many good points!! Love ya so much sis!!!
I cannot believe everything you have been through RJ, I had no idea. Let me tell you, you are an inspiration to many. To know what you have endured, and yet are still standing and fighting is truly incredible.
ReplyDeleteI am always here if you need me.
Take Care Friend.
~Hugs~
Same goes for you too Starla.
ReplyDeleteYou have endured much and you use that to help others.
I am proud to call you Ladies my friend.