I'm so sick of cops, Judges and attorney's that either don't know the laws or refuse to do their jobs or a combination of BOTH, when it comes to Domestic Violence victims!!  Recently I was put into contact with a woman that is in the process of leaving her husband.  Of course alcohol is a major factor, as it is in a lot of DV cases.

The woman has one minor child.  She states the man hasn't been physically abusive with her, but very mentally and verbally abusive.  I've always stated those types of abuse are often ignored and are very damaging.  I remember telling people that the bruises you see on the outside fade away, but the bruises left on the inside from the mental and emotional abuse never go away.  And that is so true.  Her alleged abuser was very physically abusive as well in his past marraige. Many court documents relfect his abusive past with women.  In fact, he is currently under a Protection From Abuse order out of another state's court.

She has removed herself and her child from the home and the threats to kill her and her family started.  Of course she made calls to her local law enforcement, she told them he was drinking and that he was harrassing her and her child and making threats.  Her abuser has a history where they live because of his past abusive behavior, so the cops know what is going on.  Instead of going to talk to him, they CALL him on the phone and tell him to stop harrassing her.  Now seriously....how many times do you honestly think a cop is going to CALL someone to tell them to stop harrassing someone instead of going to pay them a visit?  Why call??  Because they know from past experience when he's drinking he is dangersous?

This woman's alleged abuser as I stated is already under a PFA from a past marraige.  One he has gotten away with violating time and time again for many years.  FEDERAL LAW states that while a person is under a court order of a Protection From Abuse order they are NOT allowed to be in possession of firearms OR ammunition.  Actually, it is a FELONY count for EACH weapon and EACH piece of ammo.  This woman notified her local police department AND sheriff office that he IS in possession of firearms,  and told them exactly where they are in their home.  TWO WEEKS AGO, her local LE asked for and received a copy of the existing court order, where to be clear, it specifically states this person is not to be in possession of weapons or firearms.  PLUS, this man has prior convictions of violating PFA's and crimes of DV.  Again, FEDERAL LAW states that after a conviction of DV crimes, a person cannot buy nor possess firearms.  This woman has tried for several days to contact someone at an ATF office and has NOT received a call back from anyone. 

After the alleged threats towards her, she again notified her local LE agencies.  She filed for an emergency order of protection for her and her child and it was immediately granted by the local Judge.  They go to court on that in a few days.  Now keep in min  d that she once again made LE aware of the firearms he is illegally possessing.  By law, when they serve such an order and are aware there are firearms present, they ARE to confiscate those weapons and ammunition, which they did NOT.  But they DID send THREE officers to serve that piece of paper, and observed him consuming alcohol during serving this order. 

This past weekend, by order of the Judge she was able to return to her home to retrieve personal items from their home, with LE with her.  Of course her alleged abuser was not agreeable to some of the items she wanted from her home. 

 Now get this!!!  One of the items she had on her list and wanted from the home was a rifle she had purchased for her young son, which was still in the home and still in the POSSESSION of the man under a court order to NOT be in possession of firearms.  The officer would not let her remove the weapon from the home.  AMAZING.  It is specificaly written on her order of protection about his violence when he consumes alcohol.  While the officers made him remain outside the home while she went inside to retrieve personal belongings, this man asked one of the officers to go get his beer and bring it outside to him.  THE OFFICER DID AS HE WAS ASKED BY THIS MAN!! and brought a 30 pack of beer outside to him.  Now also keep in mind that the man knew exactly what day and time his wife and LE would be at their home to retrieve personal items.  He had one of his vehicles backed up to the garage door to where no one could get into or open that garage door.  LE knows that this man has a history of violence and threats to kill with weapons.  Now someone explain to me exactly HOW SMART those officers were in the first place by NOT securing the property whether by searching the premises for the weapons they know he has or by making him leave the premises while they were there at the property. 2nd...by not only allowing him to consume alcohol but also by bringing it to him!!! 

In my opinion this LE agency is in DIRE NEED of some DV training.  A typical threatening scenario such as this could have played out to where not only the woman ended up dead but the officers as well.  NOT VERY SMART on their part!

Of course the woman was upset by the events that took place that day and contacted the Sheriff's office about the unprofessional behavior of the officers.  She once AGAIN voiced her concerns that he is allowed to keep possession of firearms in direct violation of not only a court order but also a direct violation of a federal law of having weapons after prior convictions of DV crimes.   The officer told her he would have to check on a few things.  As of last night, she still has not heard a word from that officer in this matter.  How long do you suppose it takes to look up federal statues on a computer? call the ATF, the local DA and contact the court where the prior incidences and convictions took place?   Apparently long enough to allow him to carry out his threats of killing her. 

Most officers will admit that a DV call is the call they ALL hate the most. Those calls can turn deadly in seconds.  They know that.  Why is it they have a problem such as in this case of going to the home of this abuser and face him to tell him to "knock off the harrassing", but they don't have any problem in a woman and child having to face the abuser?  The victim isn't afforded the opportunity to deal with her abuser through the safety of a phone.  Why is it that these officers are not unholding FEDERAL LAWS???  Why leave weapons in this man's possession that not only put the woman and her child in more direct danger, but also the officers who have to deal with this case?  You can be assured these officers do NOT want to go take this man's weapons as it is a great possibility there could be a shootout in the process.  They don't want to die....I understand that.  But I can assure them, this woman does not want him to be able to consume his nightly alcohol, which only contributes to his anger, grab the weapon he always has beside him and get into his truck and drive to where her and her son are at and shoot and kill her in front of her son, or worse yet, have her son killed in front of her.  They don't want to die either.  Who is getting PAID to protect whom???


These two law enforcement agencies are in gross negligence of performing their job duties.  They are NOT upholding the law and they are NOT protecting the law abiding citizens of their community of which they receive a paycheck to do so.  She has done what she can do.  She's notified LE of the threats, prior violence, prior history of convictions, abuse and orders of the court.  She has asked for help.  She has filed for an order of protection for her and her son and it was granted by a Judge.  LE is refusing to uphold the law and enforce not only the law but court orders.  THIS IS EXACTLY WHY WOMEN DO NOT SEEK ORDERS OF PROTECTION FROM THEIR ABUSERS!!!! 


Statistics prove that this is a very dangerous time for a DV victim, the probability of death greatly increases during this volatile time.  If she had not filed for a protection order and was killed by her alleged abuser, typically and very often, the woman is blamed for NOT taking advantage of the avenues such as protective orders that are available to help protect her and her children.  Yet women do as they are expected with the false expectations that LE and the courts will do THEIR PART and enforce the orders and help to keep them safe.  What happens when the victim does their part but LE does not?  If she were to be killed now, typically the scenario goes, LE is interviewed and will state something to the effect of...well she had a protective order but it really is just a piece of paper.  We can't be everywhere at once. Or some other LAME excuse for them NOT DOING THEIR JOBS THEY ARE PAID TO DO! 

This kind of CRAP that is going on in this woman's case is what gets women and children who are victims of domestic violence, killed on a daily basis!!   We have discussed the possibilty of contacting the media.  Two problems with that.  Not only will it further anger her alleged abuser, but when documents and details are publicly released proving that LE is not doing their jobs, what happens when they are angered by that and she places the next call for help from them??  Of course that is NOT supposed to happen but those of us that have dealt with DV issues and cases know it does.   DV victims are often in a no win situation when this kind of crap goes on. 


 I am appalled to say the least by the actions and LACK OF, on the part of these two LE agencies.  I WILL be writing a letter to this woman's local sheriff office, demanding that they stand up for what their badges represent and for what they are PAID to do, and help this woman keep herself and her son safe.  It is appalling that they have done nothing about this man violating federal law and in the process they themselves are violating not on the trust of dependence of their local community but they themselves are also violating federal law.


I will be posting more on this soon.  For now, I need a break.  This is very aggravating for me.  Let me know what you think.  Any suggestions are more than welcome!  I hope everyone has a great day...and a safe day...something not everyone is afforded in this sad, messed up world.  God Bless.

First of all, to those who read here, if you haven't already, please read the two comments from rjb under the post heading of "Words to live by...."   Those are two heartfelt posts from a REAL victim of DV.  I know a lot of her life as a victim.  Without going into any details, I can assure you that if you knew her story, most people have no idea it is like what it has been for victims like her.  Although her abuser/stalker keeps her in the status of "victim" by his continual victiminizing of her, she is a true survivor.  Most women who have ever experienced some of the drastic attacks she has, unfortunately do not survive the brutality of it all.  She has, and will continue to do so.  God is watching over her, that is the only explaination of her survival.  Plain and simple.  Like most true "victims", she does not give herself enough credit.  She's an amazing woman and has so much more strength than she even knows.  Not only has she survived massive brutality from her abuser, but also in health issues, which in truth, may have been caused by one of the brutal attacks on her. 
And if her abuser is reading this, don't pat yourself on the back ya cowardly jackass....you haven't won yet and you never will.  She will survive this, just as she has and will continue to survive you and your pathetic attempts at beating her.  You will never win.....that is a promise you can take to the bank.  You will be dealt with in the end by a higher court than we could EVER hope to make you face in this life.  That is another promise you can take to the bank.

I want to stop here and repeat something I said to Mary Bowman earlier today.  "Victim...I HATE that word.  It's hard to move out of that status, but was even harder and such a huge shock to come to the realization after such a long time that I really was a "victim".




I hate that word.....it only means and represents bad things, and I hate what it stands for. The Sheriff officer that worked my case for several years down here, was on the phone with his wife one night while he was at my house, he had called her to tell her he was going to be late, she must have asked who I was because he said "She's one of my DV victims"....that was the first time I heard myself being referred to as a "victim" and it honestly knocked the wind out of me. Then it made me cry...THEN it pissed me off.



Some people like being represented as a "victim", it gives them attention, even though often negative, it is still attention. It's like it gives them and their life a meaning, which is sad.  A true victim can see through the BS and knows that is NOT a victim.  Those that can't, I guess are in a good place because they don't know what a real "victim" is. Very sad that ppl like that want to be something that someone who is a true one, would give anything to NOT be!  Sadly, the people who "cry wolf" make it so much harder on true victims of stalking and DV. 

Since I got sidetracked and posted a long comment under rj's, I'm going to stop here for now.  Tomorrow I'm going to post some things with a victim that are going on right now.  Things I don't understand with Law Enforcement.  There IS a child involved and this is a very volatile and dangerous situation this lady and her child are in.  Once again, LE is NOT DOING THERE JOBS!!!!  Pray for the safety of this woman and her minor child....they desperately need it.  Until tomorrow....

Words to live by.....

"But when they attack you, take no thought how or what you shall say: for it will be given you in that very minute what you will say. For it is not you that will speak, but the Spirit of God which speaks through you." -JESUS in Matthew 10:19-20

Amazing words. 

I'll be back later to write a blog.

Fantasy vs. Reality is harmful to real victims

It makes me upset when people who make stuff up, compare their fantasy land to real stalking and real domestic violence.  It's people like that, that make it hard on REAL victims of domestic violence!  Women who report false reports of DV, should be held accountable for their lying! and filing of false reports!  I've said that for years and still believe that.   

As a real victim of DV, it is very upsetting to see someone claiming to be a "victim", when they are only a victim in their own mind.  And when you know the things they claim even if they were half true, are NOT in any way ANY comparison to what a real Domestic Violence victim goes through and suffers during the beatings, threats, stalking and harrassment of their abusers.

I'm no longer a victim, I am a survivor.  Unfortunately, I know the real deal.  To me, those that make crap up and live in some sick fanatsy land where they make themselves a supposed "victim", are very sick people.  They are the one's who make it hard to get laws in place to help real victims.  They are the one's who make it hard to get LE to do their jobs.  As a former victim I am truely OFFENDED at the snow job some try to blanket others with.  It is disgusting and very offensive to a true victim. 

And how can a person claim they were burglarized, when they were NOT "broken" in to and they say nothing was stolen??  READ the definition of words you choose to use to paint yourself as a victim!!  geeze.......I better quit here, I just wanted to put in my two cents to some questions I've been approached with lately. 

Amazing how far some people will go to get the attention they crave and need so desperately, and how much damage they do to others on their plight to convince people they are a "victim", so they can FEEL important and be someone and something.....sad to WANT to be known as a "victim".....that I will never understand.  REAL victims don't WANT to be victims!!!!!